As time has gone on I have morphed into who I am now; not the old 'me' and not the one who takes over to carry me when I enter the depths of despair, over and over again, year in year out. I am almost in a cycle of recovery, each time I emerge stronger and more able but that makes the falling so much more unbearable. Throughout the first year following Harrys death I kept a diary. It certainly didn't get the attention it deserved but now and again I felt the urge to expel my thoughts and feelings as well as set a reminder of what was happening at the time.

My plan as time went on and I became this new 'me' I told myself that one day I would write a book from this diary. One day I would show the world what it means when your child dies, when you become disabled because a part of you is no longer there. 

However, my time went into and quite rightly so, Harrys legacy, Harrys Rainbow and before I knew it, I was approaching 10 whole years without him. Never wanting to fail at my goals I decided that instead of writing the book, I would write a blog. A catalogue of the 10th year following Harrys death which plans to also give insight into the first year and probably a lot more too!

So here I am and here it is.